glasseswhore.

i have about three more days left of school.

me and c arent getting together and im not surprised.

the only thing about it is that it cuts me deep becasue i feel like i can open up to him and then he stabs me in the back.

i hate feeling like im unimportant to him.
and he messaged me saying that he just turned 18 and hes about to graduate and he has a chance to see the world.
and he's like yeah i'll admit i do like you. but im not in a place where i want commitment. but e you are an amazing person i though you should know.

and i told him i got his message and then gave him his birthday card.
which read. cory gumble amazes me.... happy birthday. no matter what happens im here for you. much love. enoodle.

he looked really sad.
i told him it was his birthday. smile a little more.

im not going to deny that i cried when i read the message.
i told him about three months ago that i would wait for him.
and i did.

i dated a guy for two weeks and hated it. becasue it wasnt him.
and i feel like shit because i keep letting myself drift back to him.

but hell. thats what i really want.
and it breaks my heart.

god im tearing up.

nothing i can do.
nothing at all.

i just want him to be happy.
and i really wish him being happy was him being with me.
and if it isnt then i'll have to accept that.
but it's gonna be hard at first.

i feel really lonely.
i think i'll talk to l or j when i get home.
probably carosyrup tho.
damn i miss that girl.
bestfriendforever.

emma elizabeth.