some day i will finally learn to go to sleep before 2 am when i have school and work.
that next day.

but until then i'm just retarded.

thats for sure.
haha.

peace.

So a continuation from earlier.

i have found this boy.

and he pretty much ahmazes me.
with a caplital fucking HHHH

hes everything i never thought that i'd want.
hes in football. varsity.
swim team.
and track.

jeez.

and is smart.

and btw is amazingly gorgeous.

and he plays guitar.
in a bandaddando.

i really like him.

like UBER.
yeah. that much.

he is the first guy since i got here to give me butterflies

and yeah that weakness i have for brown eyes.
hes got em.

and when he looks at me my heart skips a beat.

THAT DOESN'T HAPPEN TO EMMADRENALINE!!!
i make boys melt.

not the other way around.

i make them nervous.
i dont get nervous.
nevernevernever.

i am the one who should be calm.
not them.

we all know that i am a dominating person.
its just my personality.
but he makes it not so bad.
and he makes me more personable.

<3

i cant get him out of my head.
much love kids.
almost lunchtimesss.

i heart matt e.
hes adorable.
fo sho.
haha.

emma elizabeth.

Changes so far.

jeesh.

its been so long since i wrote last.

a summer and three weeks of school later
things are TOTALLY different.

first order of business.
i dont have any feelings for g. at all anymore.
AT ALL.


second order of business.
i have found that if i focus class by class
my mind wont wander.
damn adhd.

will write more later.
adios.

idk

its official.

i never want to leave him.
ever.

fuck cory.

i see how amanda keeps running back to charolette.
i will not be like that.
i refuse.

but jesus.
he's a different story.
he treats me like i deserve.

not like just a fuck buddy.
he treats me like a friend. and someone he deeply cares about.

i think he is what i have been looking for.

emma elizabeth.

summer of 07 numero dos.

You were the only face I'd ever known.I was the light from the lamp on the floor,and only as bright as you wanted me to be.But I am no gentleman, I can be a prick,and I do regret more than I admit.You have been followed back to the same place I sat with you drink for drink.Take the pain out of love, and then love won't exist

Everything we had, everything we had,everything we had, everything we had Is no longer there.

It was the only place I'd ever known.Turned off the light on my way out the door.I will be watching wherever you go,through the eyes of a fly on the wall.You have been followed back to the same place I sat with you drink for drink.Take the pain out of love and then love won't exist.

Everything we had, everything we had,everything we had, everything we had Is no longer there, longer there.

Well, you saw for yourself, the way it played out.For you, I am blinded.For you, I am blinded, for you.

I am no gentleman, I can be a prick.And I do regret more than I admit.You have been followed back to the same place I sat with you drink for drink.Take the pain out of love, and then love won't exist.

Everything we had, everything we had,(you have been followed, you have been followed.)everything we had, everything we had.(you have been followed, you have been followed.)Everything we had, everything we had,(you have been followed, you have been followed.)everything we had...

I'll be with you wherever you go,through the eyes of a fly on the wall.

the academy is...[beautiful]

some things we just dont recover from.

some things in life are just here to waste our time.

as fillers to make the good times seem better than they ever really were.

someday you will understand darling.

someday... i hope you understand all the words i smudged in pencil..

writing on your walls.

waiting for your attention.

baby please be careful.

this world is dangerous.

vixens more deadly than i could i ever dream of being..

are out for your heart.

guard it closely.

it is the only thing you have left of your innocence.

dont let them take you.

emmamazing.

summer of 07

well i kissed jesus.

not a full blown one.
but its good enough for right now.

"take the pain out of living and love wont exsist."
TAI.
mah favorite.


its beautiful.

how complete life can be without being "stuck" with someone.
because neither of us wants a relationship right now.

but thats always up for change.

idk what i'd do if he asked me out.
probably say yes.
haha.

that'd put a stop to me being a skank.
deff. and fo sho.

god i have missed writing.

it keeps me going.

"keep dreaming love. its all you have in this world."

emma.

glasseswhore.

i have about three more days left of school.

me and c arent getting together and im not surprised.

the only thing about it is that it cuts me deep becasue i feel like i can open up to him and then he stabs me in the back.

i hate feeling like im unimportant to him.
and he messaged me saying that he just turned 18 and hes about to graduate and he has a chance to see the world.
and he's like yeah i'll admit i do like you. but im not in a place where i want commitment. but e you are an amazing person i though you should know.

and i told him i got his message and then gave him his birthday card.
which read. cory gumble amazes me.... happy birthday. no matter what happens im here for you. much love. enoodle.

he looked really sad.
i told him it was his birthday. smile a little more.

im not going to deny that i cried when i read the message.
i told him about three months ago that i would wait for him.
and i did.

i dated a guy for two weeks and hated it. becasue it wasnt him.
and i feel like shit because i keep letting myself drift back to him.

but hell. thats what i really want.
and it breaks my heart.

god im tearing up.

nothing i can do.
nothing at all.

i just want him to be happy.
and i really wish him being happy was him being with me.
and if it isnt then i'll have to accept that.
but it's gonna be hard at first.

i feel really lonely.
i think i'll talk to l or j when i get home.
probably carosyrup tho.
damn i miss that girl.
bestfriendforever.

emma elizabeth.